Understanding and Blessing Blended Families in Your Church

Blended, bonus, and step are a few of the words associated with a blended family. These families are not the same as first-time marriages where two people get married, grow together for a few years, and then eventually have children. Blended/bonus families usually become instant families right from the beginning. Every blended family is created out of some loss or misfortune. Some are created after a divorce, some after the loss of a spouse to death, some are the result of a never-married couple, and some are formed by a single person marrying a person with children and becoming an “instant parent.” No two families are the same, and yet there are some ideas we can suggest to support and connect with these families in your congregation.

Including and Connecting with Blended Families

The Pulpit: It matters to blended family parents as well as single parents when they hear a “welcome” or a “Happy Mother’s Day” / “Happy Father’s Day” to stepparents, single parents, adoptive parents, grandparents, and all parents. Taking the time to recognize all the varieties of family types can go a long way with those sitting in the seats.

Kids & Teens: For kids living between two homes in blended families, that will mean the kids are with the other parent a few times a month. Sometimes that means they miss attending church activities, and sometimes that means they only attend a few times a year. Pastors and volunteers who are equipped to serve blended families can find meaningful ways to reach out to the kids on the weeks they are not there, leading to powerful connections with these families.

Sunday School Crafts: For smaller children who have a mom and stepmom or a dad and stepdad, it is very helpful if the child could make two items instead of just one. This allows the child to be intentional and create something to give each parent on Mother’s Day or Father’s Day. This circles back to the idea of equipping pastors and volunteers to be proactive on this matter so there is sensitivity and organization around the process.

Important Calendar Dates and Ideas:

• The Sunday following Mother’s Day is celebrated as National Stepmom Day. This is a holiday founded by Lizzie Capuzzi, a 9-year old girl from Pennsylvania who wanted to honor her stepmother, Joyce. Lizzie and Joyce sent a letter to Senator Rick Santorum, who endorsed the idea of such celebration to the Senate floor. This fact was published in the Congressional Record. Since 2000, people all over the world celebrate Stepmom’s Day. (This could be a great story to share from the pulpit.)

• September 16 is National Stepfamily Day, and there are many ways to celebrate this from the pulpit to the classroom. Consider having a panel discussion or pre-recorded video with a few blended families to share their journey and/or interview a young adult who was raised in a blended family. Stories can be a powerful way to help the whole congregation gain a deeper understanding of the unique challenges and blessings of a blended family.

Additional Help Available

Advisory Committee: If you want to know what the bonus family parents need in your community, start by enlisting a few of them to serve on your planning committees and ask them strategic questions. When you are intentional to include stepparents in your programming and planning, important considerations will be highlighted for each family type, their schedules, their priorities, and their obstacles.

Local Professionals: Connect with local counseling centers and know what local resources exist to support stepparents therapeutically. Especially, find therapists who work with blended families and have a deep understanding of “competing attachments” in complex family settings.

Blended Marriage Conference: Consider an annual conference or a getaway retreat that includes programming for blended couples and addresses the complex family! Bring in guest experts to speak on these unique concerns, or host a Saturday webinar with a few strategic leaders “live” via the internet if you need to keep your costs down.

Life Group: Consider starting a life group that specifically meets the needs of blended family couples. Blended marriage is vastly different than a first-time marriage and often, couples struggle in silence thinking they are alone without hope.

Final Thoughts

In the end, it is all about awareness, affirmation, and acknowledgement. Our mission as a church is to represent Jesus in this world by engaging hurting people with compassion and sensitivity. Recognizing and responding to the needs of complex families is doing just that, which can result in healthier marriages and children who grow up to believe that marriage still matters.

For more information, please contact Jay and Tammy Daughtry, who are a blended family couple. Jay and Tammy have been married since 2009 and both, respectively, hold a master’s in marriage and family therapy from Trevecca Nazarene University. They travel and lead trainings around the globe at churches, schools, counseling centers, military bases, and national conferences. They are enjoying a blended family of four young adults, two son-in-loves, and five grandchildren. They reside in Nashville, TN.

www.CoParentingInternational.com or 615.871.4264.