by
Linda Hardin

It happened again! Another wife announced to the women in the small group that her husband was laid off. With other wives in the group in similar roles, the women began to encourage and support her. She started to cry as she talked about the lack of understanding she received as people encouraged and supported her husband.

Struck by this realization and recalling a conversation at work on this subject, I researched the topic for helpful hints. Internet advice covered a wide spectrum of thoughts. I even found a church-based support group for unemployed professionals. Based on what I learned, here are my suggestions for ministry to women with unemployed husbands.

1. Grieve the losses. Besides the obvious loss of income, there are many losses couples experience when husbands are laid off. Consider the changing roles, the additional stress for the wife as she becomes the primary income provider, and how this role reversal affects the male ego.

Make a list of the losses that result from having an unemployed husband. Many of these losses are “disenfranchised grief”—losses that aren’t typically acknowledged as grief-worthy. Recognize that each couple’s list will be unique. Take time to grieve the losses. Add to the list as other losses are identified, too.

2. Adjust your budget. For many couples in this situation, income is reduced to about one-third of the previous amount. This is a huge loss and requires budget adjustments. Cut back on the extras such as eating out and entertainment options. An increasing number of people are preparing brown-bag lunches for healthier options. Now this option becomes a cost-cutter as well.

Find creative entertainment options. Discover the joys of a walk in the park. Dig out the table games and relive some childhood memories. Develop culinary skills as you discover inexpensive ways to stretch the food budget. Enjoy conversations with your family and friends.

3. Acknowledge that your husband’s job is now job-hunting. Conventional wisdom for the unemployed is to invest an eight-hour day searching for jobs. Remember this includes developing a resume, searching the internet to learn about prospective employers, and networking.

4. Recognize that not getting a job is often perceived as rejection. While individuals may cognitively realize that not being offered a job doesn’t equate to rejection, emotionally it feels like rejection. Watch for signs of depression when days of job-hunting turn into weeks and weeks turn into months. Counter this challenge by making a list of strengths and attributes. Post them in a visible place as a reminder of value and worth.

5. Talk to others. In the current economy, there are others who share your plight. It may be easy to consider unemployment as failure when it had nothing to do with the individuals and their skill-sets. Don’t be overcome by embarrassment or shame. Recognize that those who are walking this journey have learned useful lessons and tips. Ask for suggestions, share what you’ve learned, and offer and receive encouragement and support.

6. Network with others. As others learn about the need for employment, they may have contacts that will assist you. These may be names of individuals in HR (Human Resources) departments, managers and companies looking for employees, and other resources.

7. Maintain your relationship with God. During difficult times it is natural to question where God is. This is the time to maintain a strong faith, putting into action your belief that God is always present and faithfully working in your lives. Draw strength from biblical stories of God’s faithfulness. Recall previous experiences when God demonstrated His faithfulness to your family. Allow the stories of others in similar circumstances to affirm your faith.

8. Talk with your children. Make them aware of the financial challenges your family is experiencing. Young children recognize something is happening and often begin to blame themselves when they don’t have accurate information. You may also find they have good suggestions, too. They may even have some computer skills to help you.

9. Stay connected. When facing difficulties, one temptation is to withdraw. Recognize your need to socialize and to receive support. As difficult as it may be to receive help from others, you deny them ministry opportunities. Graciously accept their help. Remember you may be able to minister to others, too.

10.Laugh a lot. Laughter is good medicine. Watch for the funny things that happen. Learn to laugh at yourself, too. If necessary, find a book of corny jokes and learn to tell them well. Laughter can make the most difficult situation seem manageable.

This season of unemployment may extend longer than you anticipated. Reach out to others and allow them the opportunity to “companion” you on the journey. The writer of Ecclesiastes reminds us that “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up” (4:9-10a).